


I Love You (Never Felt Like Any Blessing)

by Serenityreview



Series: I don't want your future (I don't need your past) [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Confessions, Dialogue Heavy, Kidnapping, M/M, One Shot, Past Infidelity, Restraints, Sedative Use, Self-cest, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, Surprise Kiss, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, hair petting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 10:08:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10942299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenityreview/pseuds/Serenityreview
Summary: On May 22, 2017 at approximately 11:52 pm Barry Allen ran across the surface of the bay before stopping abruptly half way. He sank into the cold water. Approximately 5 seconds after that, Savitar dragged a wet and shivering Barry Allen out of the sea.





	I Love You (Never Felt Like Any Blessing)

**Author's Note:**

> The song used in this fic is Heavy in Your Arms by Florence and the Machine. I listened to that song on repeat whilst writing this fic.

On May 22, 2017 at approximately 11:52 pm Barry Allen ran across the surface of the bay before stopping abruptly half way. He sank into the cold water. Approximately 5 seconds after that, Savitar dragged a wet and shivering Barry Allen out of the sea.

“Honestly.” The time remnant hissed at the hero, “What were you thinking?”

Barry drew in a shaky breath. His attempt at an explanation was cut off when Savitar stuck a needle into his neck and injected him with something.

“What did you do!?” Barry exclaimed; his limbs felt weighed down.

“Just a sedative, don’t worry about it.” Savitar said as he picked up Barry from the ground and ran.

-

The sedative took effect faster than the time remnant had expected. Barry was unconscious by the time Savitar placed him on the creaky couch in one of his many hideout in the city. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so surprised, this was a trying time for Barry after all. Running around on fumes trying to save his beloved ex-finance, trying to fight against fate. Savitar remembers the nightmares; the endless nights spent awake planning, wishing and begging for things to change. But things won’t change; he will make sure of it.

The soon-to-be god looked at the soaked man and sighed. It wouldn’t do him any good if the other speedster died from hypothermia. He went and grabbed a spare set of clothes before getting Barry out of his wet clothes. Once Barry was dressed in dry clothes Savitar put speedster proof restraints on the man’s arms.

The time remnant sat down and dragged Barry’s head onto his lap. He ran his fingers through his doppelgänger’s wet hair and down the side of his face. He loved his past self’s soft, clear skin, devoid of any flaws, unlike him. He laughed as Barry unconsciously leaned into his touch. This was probably the most rest the speedster had gotten in awhile.

Watching his past self now, he could understand why Thawne viewed the Flash as a god at one point. All that power wrapped up in a slim frame and a boyish face. Speaking of Thawne, Savitar was certain that he was one of the few people who remembered the Prime Timeline.

In the Prime Timeline Barry met Iris at a Christmas party in 2014. They dated through 2015 and got married in 2016. They had 4 years of blissful married life before the particle accelerator went online and a bolt of lightning gave birth to the Flash.

That’s when Thawne entered the picture. Savitar found great irony in the fact that the Reverse Flash started out as a Flash fanboy from the future. Perhaps fanboy was the wrong term to use. Eobard Thawne was an obsessive bastard. Even though his idol was long dead he still devised a way to meet him. He made himself a speedster by replicating the accident that gave Barry his powers.

Time travel was a messy business though. It took the man several tries to get to the right time period. But of course as the saying goes – never meet your heroes. Or in Thawne’s case never have an affair with your hero and get attached. Too bad Thawne got attached and wanted the Flash all to himself. Barry then felt guilty for cheating on his wife and stopped seeing Thawne, which drove the other man off the deep end. Not that Thawne was a shining example of emotional stability to begin with, but being rejected by his idol and one true love didn’t do him any good. He turned into the Reverse Flash after that.

At least that’s what happened in the Prime Timeline. In some timelines Eobard killed Iris in a rage, which didn’t endear him any further to Barry, but he was beyond caring at that point. Then there was Barry and Savitar’s timeline where the Reverse Flash tried to kill the Flash as a child without think through the consequences. Barry from the Prime Timeline saved his child self. Thawne killed their mother, creating a divergent timeline where Barry grew up with the Wests instead of his parents; a timeline where Barry Allen tried to recreate the Prime Timeline, a timeline where Savitar was born.

Barry stirred, opened his eyes and tried to sit up. Savitar pulled on his restraints and forced him to stay still.

“Why did you save me?” Barry asked.

Savitar merely raised an eyebrow at him, “I’m not going to let my past-self commit suicide.”

“Thawne’s still kicking around.” Barry said.

Savitar gave a dry chuckle and said, “Drowning hurts.”

“Yeah, it really does.” Barry agreed; his fingers twitching as he pulled at his restraints, “But I heard it’s rather peaceful towards the end.”

“You were willing to risk leaving your friends and family vulnerable?” Savitar was surprised.

Barry gave a half-hearted shrug, “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Of course it did.” Savitar rolled his eyes, “You didn’t think this through did you?”

Barry turned his face away. That’s all the answer the temporal duplicate needed. Savitar shook his head and began to hum a familiar tune as he ran his hands through Barry’s hair. Barry recognized the tune as the song his lab partner was obsessed with in 2010.

_My love has concrete feet_

_My love’s an iron ball_

_Wrapped around your ankles_

_Over the waterfall_

_I’m so heavy, heavy_

_Heavy in your arms_

_I’m so heavy, heavy_

_Heavy in your arms_

Two identical voices echoed through the dark room. Then they both realized what they were doing and stopped.

“Are you going to keep me here?” Barry asked the time remnant.

“No.” Savitar answered simply.

“Then why the restraints?”

“So you don’t try anything stupid.” Savitar felt exasperated.

Barry let out a humourless laugh at that, “It’s a bit too late for that, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps.” Savitar said, “But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to risk my accession.”

“We are not gods.” Barry sounded bitter.

“You are not a god.” Savitar corrected him, “I am a god or at least I will be. Soon.”

“Once you kill Iris right?” Barry’s voiced cracked as he said that.

“Yes.”

“How can you do that!? She’s the love of my – your life!” Barry shouted at Savitar.

“She’s the love of _your_ life, not mine.” Savitar replied.

“But we have the same memories.” Barry pleaded uselessly.

“We do have the same memories. I just don’t consider her the love of my life.” Savitar explained.

“Why?” Barry asked.

“This might surprise you, but not all Barry Allens will fall in love with a woman who remained oblivious to their feelings for 15 years.” Savitar said while petting Barry’s hair in the way he knew he enjoyed. Barry shamelessly leaned into his time remnant’s touch.

“In the first timeline, you married her in 2016. You became the Flash in 2020. You grew up in your childhood home with your parents. You had a dog named Jett.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Tears filled Barry’s eyes.

“To prove a point, just listen.” Savitar continued, “You met Eobard Thawne in 2021. This was the first time you’ve met another speedster. He loved you.”

Barry closed his eyes at that statement.

“He really did love you. You were his god. He would’ve done anything you asked of him.”

“What did I do?” Barry asked weakly, not wanting to hear the answer.

“The same thing you did in Flashpoint. You fucked him. Repeatedly."

Barry’s eyes shot open, “I would never!”

“You did.” Savitar said firmly, “Eventually you felt guilty for cheating on your lovely wife and cut Thawne off. He didn’t take it well and that’s how the Reverse Flash was born.”

“So I created him.” Barry stated solemnly.

“Yes and in turn he created you and this timeline, I guess. Like I said cause and effect is tricky.”

“So what’s your point?” Barry asked.

“My point - love is nothing but a burden. Look at the mess it got you in.” Savitar answered.

“That’s!” Barry tried to protest but couldn’t think of anything to say.

Savitar chuckled, “Cat got your tongue?”

“Are you going to keep here all night?” Barry tried to phase through his restraints again.

“I’m pretty sure it’s light out now, but to answer your question – no, I won’t keep here all night.”

“Ha, ha, you are hilarious.” Sarcasm was all Barry had left.

Savitar smirked and carried Barry princess style across the city. He deposited the hero outside of S.T.A.R. Labs.

“I’ll see you tonight.” The self-made god told his double. Then in one swift movement he removed Barry’s restraints and kissed the hero softly on the lips.

Before Barry could even process what had just happened the time remnant left, leaving trail of lightning behind him and trio of whispered words in Barry’s ear - _I love you._

_This will be my last confession_

_‘I love you’ never felt like any blessing_

_Oh-_

_Whispering like it’s a secret_

_Only to condemn the one who hears it_

_With a heavy heart_

Fin


End file.
